Memoirs of a Satanist

Liberation, limitless pursuits, why bow down to anyone’s beliefs that don’t suit your own … liberation from indoctrination I see Satan's power in all things of nature, expressing creativity in motion.  All Father’s descent into matter …to create on many levels. I see the abrahamic religions as a byproduct of mental illness respectively. 

I remember being taught that some being would come in the sky to rescue us from the earth and I remember getting upset and angry cause I wanted to live my life and experience things … When I was told at a young age about Satan  my response was I want to see him ! Which shocked my mother (being christian) .. her response was “no you don’t,” I was like why not and I do! I've always felt the Dark Calling.

In my youth I used to have recurring dreams … no matter how or what dream I was originally having it would switch, like I would turn and there would be the tunnel to the cave, the cave that drew me in like I couldn’t stop it it would draw me deep into it and I could see glowing red light and there was a fog or mist of some sort. The heat was warm on my skin and I would come to what looked like the end of the cave only because I couldn’t see anything past the mist and the huge figure that stood in my path … I could only make out a dark shape or shadow huge in size with horns and glowing yellow eyes … This dream always was accompanied by what’s called sleep paralysis so as a child it would scare me cause I would try and wake but couldn’t move my body or open my eyes.   At times I would have dreams of hooded figures with no faces just glowing eyes standing in silence watching me. I always felt they watched even in waking .. I remember I would put on a show and act things out for them. I always felt lustful energies that would ignite my imagination. I could spend hours drawing my fantasies and I enjoyed it so much … growing up a lot of my gifts were shunned due to the sickness of the Abrahamic faiths. I was told a story of when I was 2 and I was playing back and forth in the hallway from my mothers room to my grandmother’s and my grandmother noticed that I hadn’t come back to her room on one of the runs … she saw me standing at the bathroom door staring into the skylight in the ceiling and she asked what was I looking  at and she said I told her I see Jesus … I’m guessing it was a bearded man … I wonder was it Enki, now that I’ve learned about the Anunnaki? She couldn't see him as I pointed to where he was. She said I stood there a while then resumed play.    There is so much to the spirit world that I think is limited by our fixed beliefs. Even later I learned about the Djinn and how they always show up in groups of three. I recall my grandmother telling of a dream she had of three hooded beings in the sky. But I could tell it made her feel uneasy. I also remember her saying I had the gift of seeing them and the gift of discernment. I remember feeling the presence of beings, I remember my family’s stories of the paranormal things that used to happen in my grandmother’s old house in Philadelphia. Not just her old house but in our family. My grandmother also said that I have a sexual spirit following me … so much information recall … As I come across more people into this type of stuff.  I feel it's time to come out of the shadows. I've been a solitary practitioner for some time now.  

   I also remember this imaginary friend that my cousin had that was freaking the family out and I remember the day my cousin came and she was all full of energy as she explained how this being wanted to meet me and talk to me. The dreams stopped around the age of 9 or 10 I can’t remember but I remember in my mothers house, my childhood home in Philly again there was a strong connection to a being … I never gave him a name just that he felt male to me. They always feel male or come as the opposite sex only a few times did they take the forms of women but in dreams and I was the male like our roles were reversed and always sexual in some sexual encounter. I know these things aren’t only in my mind because people that are close to me have experience the presence of the beings that accompany me … once I was walking with a friend and we were deep in conversation about a show we were into and suddenly he stopped like dead stop and said I don’t know how to say this but there is something following you a shadow he said I keep seeing it out of the corner of my eyes … I had never told him what I was into or about the being but he saw it.I had a friend’s mom who was a witch tell me that I had someone following me … I thought oh it’s probably someone who passed away, a family member but she was like no this is not a person … she never said what or gave a name just said I reminded him of himself and he liked following me … I was like oh ok and tried to brush it off because I thought she was just entertaining me ..but I felt energy come from the base of my feet all up my body like a wave of  tingling and she saw my face and she told me he’s trying to show you he is there .. It was quite the experience!

I started with the study of witchcraft - Silver Raven Wolf .. It taught me some basics but it didn’t have what I was seeking. Then I found Anton Lavey's stuff, then temple of Set, eventually making it to M. W. Ford, Peter J Carrol, Franz Bardon … among many others. I found E.A. Koetting, Asineth  Mason… but lately as far as books: The Bible Of the Divine Black Flame,by Magus Vrykolakas Oriax, Magister Xylorepth, & Magister Setanito. The Abyssal Bible, by Rev. Cain. My rituals incorporate my paintings and drawings. I enjoy a lot of the Pathworking exercises of visualizations.   Feels good to find others.