I don't know how strange this may sound, but I think I had a spirit connected to me from very young who became my confidante, spiritual teacher, my first lover.....he was very present within me. I wouldn't call him demonic, but not a high holy guy either. He was very intuitive, protective ......idk but he was amazing for me. I don't remember his name, I don't think he ever really gave it, he didn't want it known I don't think, but I would be love it if there was a way to reconnect with him. Any chance that could be done?
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Wish you the best with that hope everything will eventually work out to your satisfaction